You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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