The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
What a dumb baby whore.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
