I am midnight drunk by noon
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
