i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
