it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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