yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
