dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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