Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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