Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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