please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
