the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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