Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Blood and glitter go together right?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
