WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
