A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
