oh god the rape fog is back!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Hippo gnu deer
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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