wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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