so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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