I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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