You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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