i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
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I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
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You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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