yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
