You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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