I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
