I hate all girls vehemently.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
