Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
