I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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