I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
