I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
