YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
