This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Your dad touched me again.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Randomize
