If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize