just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
