Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
