I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
