I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Your cock deserves a montage
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
