woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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