Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
