Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
