every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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