Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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