Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
