I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im holly from the hills drunk
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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