So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
