Are we in a gay sports bar?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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