he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
