you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
