just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
