I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
