her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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