watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
In America we eat man semen.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
