went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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