Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
too bad you live with your parents still
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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