I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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