Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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