I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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