i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
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if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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