Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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