what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
