he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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