i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
