You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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