i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
