I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Sober January is a disaster.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
