I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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