your thong is hanging out like whoa
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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