If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
