Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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