Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
