i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
