I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
